It has been a long time since I made an entry. The last few times we were in Ciudad nothing really happened. It has been hard looking for the guys. We haven't been able to talk to them or find half of them. Sometimes, it seems as though we take one step forward and two steps back. We started off with Carolina, Vladimir and Milagros as a team, then lost them one at a time to job situations. We still have Milagros and I am truly grateful for that. On the bright side, Jose and his sister have joined us as has Luchin, my fiance. But it seems that it is more elusive now to find the guys on the streets. In the meantime, the plans for the refuge or the home to get them off the streets have been placed on hold. Every door to get it going has closed, yet, God keeps placing ideas in my head on how to work the home and I finally figured out that God's vision is much bigger than mine and that I was thinking to start small but God wants to go big. And so we will have to wait until God provides everything needed for His bigger vision regarding the home. In the meantime, we focus on the street and how we can be more effective out there.
At this point, I have to admit that I do feel like a failure, that I have failed. With the plans for the home part postponed, and having difficulty meeting up with the street youth I do feel in a sense that I have failed. Yet, I know I cannot leave my post. I know that Ciudad is where God has called me to be and where He has placed me. But I see no fruit. I see nothing. It seems like a whole valley of dry bones out there and I'm calling them to come to life, but nothing is happening. I see nothing. Yet, the Lord tells me to keep going, to be faithful to what He has called me to do. He tells me that He will be faithful to His ministry and that I need to keep being faithful even though I see nothing. It is not easy. I feel like I have failed people, their expectations. Yet the Lord says to keep going.
So I will keep going. I will take one step at a time. I will search for the guys. I will keep walking out there even though it seems like nothing. Even though I see nothing. I will keep going, I will keep searching, I will keep praying and I will keep sowing. I will be faithful to do my part and prepare the land for the rain. And God will be faithful on His end to bring the rain when He is ready. I can't be a failure. Because I am more than a conqueror. I can't be a failure because of He who lives in me. I can't be a failure because when I am weak, I am strong. I can't be a failure even though I feel like one because He is the One who has called me to this, and He is the One who will grow His ministry.
All I can do and will do is to be faithful. Because He is faithful.
