The one thing I really love about my God is how much He loves me and how He goes out to show me it even when I complain and complain about stuff. I also have not seen so much scripture revealed in flesh as in these days as I walk deeper into what He has for me.
Today, me and a friend who is also one of the Siembra S.O.W. team went out to a really dangerous area called Ciudad de Dios where it's a battle zone of regular people and drug addicts who are as young as 11 years old. We walked around, asked questions and got a lot of information but only met one of the ones we were looking for. We did make an appointment with him to return on Saturday night so he could introduce us to the rest of the addicts. While we were walking around searching for them, something happened that I did not recognize was from God until much later when I was at church in worship.
While my friend and I were walking, a pretty blue green bird flew right into a telephone pole right in front of us and collapsed onto the ground. I picked up its poor crumpled form as it was alive but injured. A girl then ran up to us and said she would take it to her uncle's house as he has other birds to care for it. I gave it up into her care. My friend and I walked around the block and then we came across the girl at a park. She was leaving the poor injured bird on the grass in the park but when she saw us she quickly came over with the bird in her hand. She told us that the vet said that it had internal injuries and was not going to get better as it could not breathe properly and was breathing through its open mouth and not through its beak. I took it from her and the bird was not breathing properly and it just looked like it was in shock. So I started praying healing over it and claimed Matthew 6:26 over it: Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
I just said to the Lord that through this word, He obviously wants to take care of all His creatures including the birds of the air so will He please heal this bird completely and restore everything on its inside and have it breathe normally again to fly? And then I thanked Him for the healing He had done. Within a couple of minutes the bird started to breathe normally and I just stroked it gently in my hand and all of a sudden, it took flight and flew off. It was a lesson in faith for us all and my friend said, "wow, God even heals birds".
Later tonight while at worship, the Lord revealed to me the prophetic nature of what happened. The bird represents the drug addicts whom we are to reach. They started out in life flying but somehow, in their journey, they got messed up big time by drugs (the bird flying and hitting the pole hard to fall crumpled to the ground) and someone or some people tried to help them when they were in the broken state that they were in (the girl who said she would help it) but then when they realize the extent of the injuries or the extent of the addiction and saw no hope for recovery, those people gave up and left the addicts to fend for their own (the girl leaving the bird on the grass in the park when she was told its injuries were too severe). But it is only the Word of God through a perservering spirit moved by love and faith that will transform the lives of the addicts so that they can be healed and go forward with their lives (us praying for the healing of the bird using God's Word and believing and persisting in helping even when there seemed to be no hope for it but it got healed and it did fly again!).
When I saw what it all meant, it blew my mind. It was God telling us once again that we were on the right track and to keep going and to not let the drug addicted youth go. Even when it seems impossible. Even when all around us people tell us we're crazy. There is only one thing to focus on: Yeshua or Jesus died for everyone; me, you and also for them. They're not pretty to look at, they are so messed up it shows on their faces and all over. But Jesus came to heal the sick and He doesn't care how they look. He cares so much for them that He died for them and unless we show them who He is and become His hands and feet extended and fight for them in that battle zone, they will never know that He died for them too and that they are worth more than the birds in the air.
I claim in the name of Yeshua Hamashiach (Jesus the Messiah), that Ciudad de Dios (City of God) will truly become the City of the Living God and that those who are in it will bow down and worship the King of Kings!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
For One...
So many times I ask myself what I'm doing. When I'm surrounded only by my non English speaking, let alone non speaking dogs, I think of what I am missing. People who speak, in any language that I can understand would be wonderful to have around. To talk to someone face to face would be nice sometimes. I wonder so many times if what I'm here to do in Peru makes a dent in someone's life. If my life is an example of what it is to follow Christ or Y'shua. If my life brings people closer to Him. If it's worth me being alone, I guess it must be worth it. I have to admit that I am not an angel and I don't always feel like it's worth it. I know what it's costing me. I know what it is to feel isolation and to fight fear on your own. I know what it's like to wonder where the sound of banging doors are coming from and if an intruder is downstairs when my dogs are barking their heads off. I know what it feels like to fight spiritual battles that have no understanding and that I cannot explain to anyone else. I know what it's like to have to keep everything inside and hope that I won't explode because there isn't anyone I can share with because they don't fully understand all that is happening.
Yet sometimes I try, I try to share but then when I get a polite just suck it up and move on, I shove it all back inside again. Yes, I have learned to depend on God, I have learned to stand and also to battle with Him, I have learned to not fear. I have learned to praise and worship in whatever circumstances I'm in. But mankind was not made to be alone, to go through everything alone and to be isolated. Ecclesiaistes says so and so does Genesis. But suck it up and move on, I must because I realize that there is much more at stake and there is no one around. I cannot see it, I have to admit, all that is at stake. I don't want to give up any more of my own life. Y'shua already did that for all mankind and I'm not Him, so why must I do that? What more must I do?
Then, out of the blue, I get feedback. I get someone who tells me that I apparently have touched them in some way and they appreciate me. I mean something to them. I was there and is there for them still. And my love for the Word was contagious enough for them to want more of the Word for themselves. So, like any girly female, I bawl. I tear up and cry buckets. Because to one life it was worth the sacrifice.
Yet sometimes I try, I try to share but then when I get a polite just suck it up and move on, I shove it all back inside again. Yes, I have learned to depend on God, I have learned to stand and also to battle with Him, I have learned to not fear. I have learned to praise and worship in whatever circumstances I'm in. But mankind was not made to be alone, to go through everything alone and to be isolated. Ecclesiaistes says so and so does Genesis. But suck it up and move on, I must because I realize that there is much more at stake and there is no one around. I cannot see it, I have to admit, all that is at stake. I don't want to give up any more of my own life. Y'shua already did that for all mankind and I'm not Him, so why must I do that? What more must I do?
Then, out of the blue, I get feedback. I get someone who tells me that I apparently have touched them in some way and they appreciate me. I mean something to them. I was there and is there for them still. And my love for the Word was contagious enough for them to want more of the Word for themselves. So, like any girly female, I bawl. I tear up and cry buckets. Because to one life it was worth the sacrifice.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Facing Fear
Woke up this morning like any other morning and walked out of my room to get the dogs out of the kitchen into the backyard. Thank God, I remembered to bring my house keys with me as I walked out. After letting the dogs out, I figured it was time for coffee and studying the Word before getting ready to go to Sunat in Surco for another stage of paperwork for the NGO. Went to my bedroom door to open it and voila! it was locked. The landlords had never given me the keys to the three doors inside the house and it was one of my fears, what would I do if I locked myself out?! Well, I had to face that fear and deal with it today. Seriously, it has been one adventure after the other since I have lived here.
So, there I was, 8:15am, in my pink jammies with ducks all over and my fuzzy slippers, locked out of my room and being really thankful to God that I had brought my house keys out with me into the living room so I was not locked inside the house without the ability to go out. My cell phone was inside my room as were my clothes and shoes. So here I was, wondering how I was supposed to go and get the locksmith from the market which was like 6 blocks away dressed only in my jammies and fuzzy slippers. I figured it would have made a great impression on my neighbours!
To my credit, I did not panic, not once. I must be maturing and realizing that God is in control and this too shall pass. Several thoughts crossed my mind, like perhaps I should do like the stunt actors do and try to get to my open bedroom windows by climbing out my living room windows and slowly inching over on a ledge. I poked my head out my living room window and realized I have no ledge to inch along on. There goes that brilliant idea. Then I thought that I could do a Romeo and Juliet move without the romance and put up a ladder and climb up it. But, the tree was in the way. And later on, the locksmith even attempted it but the ladder was not tall enough to reach my bedroom window which is actually a really good thing, as Martha Stewart would say. Why would the locksmith attempt to climb up a ladder instead of just using his skills to bust open the lock....hmmm....that is the million dollar question, ain't it?
So anyways, while I was contemplating all my options so that I would not have to go to the market in my pyjamas and slippers, I realized that I had flip flops in my bathroom for shoes and that there were actually clothes drying on the clothes rack and I could actually get dressed and be decent and walk to the market without having anyone think that I am crazy. It was then that I realized that even as God allowed me to be tested with a fear of mine, He had provided the solution already and because I didn't freak out and panic, I was able to do things calmly and quickly and be able to figure out the solution sooner than later and get to the locksmith before other people did and still make it to Sunat to get my paperwork done and meet my lawyer all in record time.
Every day that I'm here in this house and in Villa Maria, God has been teaching me and training me like Jackie Chan trained that little guy, Will Smith's son. Sometimes with the most mundane of things but I know that every step is preparation for the bigger things ahead that I cannot yet see, but will need to face. I thank you, Lord for forging me to face the heat of the battle yet to come!
So, there I was, 8:15am, in my pink jammies with ducks all over and my fuzzy slippers, locked out of my room and being really thankful to God that I had brought my house keys out with me into the living room so I was not locked inside the house without the ability to go out. My cell phone was inside my room as were my clothes and shoes. So here I was, wondering how I was supposed to go and get the locksmith from the market which was like 6 blocks away dressed only in my jammies and fuzzy slippers. I figured it would have made a great impression on my neighbours!
To my credit, I did not panic, not once. I must be maturing and realizing that God is in control and this too shall pass. Several thoughts crossed my mind, like perhaps I should do like the stunt actors do and try to get to my open bedroom windows by climbing out my living room windows and slowly inching over on a ledge. I poked my head out my living room window and realized I have no ledge to inch along on. There goes that brilliant idea. Then I thought that I could do a Romeo and Juliet move without the romance and put up a ladder and climb up it. But, the tree was in the way. And later on, the locksmith even attempted it but the ladder was not tall enough to reach my bedroom window which is actually a really good thing, as Martha Stewart would say. Why would the locksmith attempt to climb up a ladder instead of just using his skills to bust open the lock....hmmm....that is the million dollar question, ain't it?
So anyways, while I was contemplating all my options so that I would not have to go to the market in my pyjamas and slippers, I realized that I had flip flops in my bathroom for shoes and that there were actually clothes drying on the clothes rack and I could actually get dressed and be decent and walk to the market without having anyone think that I am crazy. It was then that I realized that even as God allowed me to be tested with a fear of mine, He had provided the solution already and because I didn't freak out and panic, I was able to do things calmly and quickly and be able to figure out the solution sooner than later and get to the locksmith before other people did and still make it to Sunat to get my paperwork done and meet my lawyer all in record time.
Every day that I'm here in this house and in Villa Maria, God has been teaching me and training me like Jackie Chan trained that little guy, Will Smith's son. Sometimes with the most mundane of things but I know that every step is preparation for the bigger things ahead that I cannot yet see, but will need to face. I thank you, Lord for forging me to face the heat of the battle yet to come!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Going With God's Flow
It is so easy to keep pushing doors that seem to shut. I know I do that a lot and try to open that which the Lord has already shut. However, I am learning to just walk with the Lord. And it seems harder to do when there are more responsibilities. I have a hard time dealing with inaction but I also remember what the Lord taught me from last year. I had a whole month of free time while looking for a job or in my case, jobs. And I felt that I needed to hang out with the Lord and just worship and enjoy His company. However, I allowed my worries about finances and getting a job to stop me from just chilling and being with the Lord. And I sense that once again, I am doing the same thing. This is the calm before the storm or rather the time of solitude with Him before the busyness of the ministry takes over and because I am fretting about how to do things and what people will think since we haven't actually started ministering yet and a million other things going through my head, I am losing precious time of just being free from complete responsibility. So, against the grain of my natural self, I will learn from last year, and I will allow myself to enjoy the present and just take the time to hang out with the Lord and have fun. Everything in its time and I am not pushing against any closed doors anymore. as the Lord had showed me, He will reveal the doors to be opened and it will not be my strength or force that will bring them into existence but the timing of the Lord. And it is only His strength that will push those doors open. So, until then, I am gonna enjoy my time as it is now.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I think....
I am definitely in need of a holiday, at least some form or semblance of one if I am unable to go the whole nine yards and take a proper real all inclusive vacation. Imagine, if you will....the existence of an actual bath tub in my bathroom, filled to the brim with hot, hot water scented with coconut and lime bubble bath with scented lit candles everywhere and Josh Groban or Andrea Bocelli playing in the background and I'm eating a really yummy creamcheese frosted chocolate cake while soaking blissfully in the tub. So simple. Yet impossible to attain all because I have no bath tub. Sighhhhh....
Lacking basics that I am used to having about 5 years ago is haunting me now. Stressed out of my mind, wanting to just be and not have to think anymore, to stop worrying for once about what I have to do next and make all decisions without having anyone to go to who can actually understand me and how I relate to the Lord and the vision is slowing turning me into a basketcase. I am frustrated, absolutely tired for lack of sleep and would just like that someone could be on my same wavelength. And so I plod on, because I don't know how to give up and neither do I want to do that.
My pleasure at this point is watching my dogs interact and realizing that with care, proper nutrition and lots of love, even a dog that has spent most of its life on the streets and which had lost copious amounts of fur off its body can be rehabilitated to look really good with shiny thick fur and become amazingly confident and at peace. It makes me think that if this can happen with a dog, what more with a human being and it gives me hope to know that this ministry is set up to do just that, to love and care for those who like my dog, Maddy, have been left to fend for themselves out there on their own.
So, bath tub or not, holiday not withstanding, I will keep going, barring frustrations and all, because with lots of prayer; faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; and a trust that He has gone before me; I know that this vision of His will come to pass. Although I am thinking that a night or two in a hotel in Miraflores might not be such a bad idea come end of January....
Lacking basics that I am used to having about 5 years ago is haunting me now. Stressed out of my mind, wanting to just be and not have to think anymore, to stop worrying for once about what I have to do next and make all decisions without having anyone to go to who can actually understand me and how I relate to the Lord and the vision is slowing turning me into a basketcase. I am frustrated, absolutely tired for lack of sleep and would just like that someone could be on my same wavelength. And so I plod on, because I don't know how to give up and neither do I want to do that.
My pleasure at this point is watching my dogs interact and realizing that with care, proper nutrition and lots of love, even a dog that has spent most of its life on the streets and which had lost copious amounts of fur off its body can be rehabilitated to look really good with shiny thick fur and become amazingly confident and at peace. It makes me think that if this can happen with a dog, what more with a human being and it gives me hope to know that this ministry is set up to do just that, to love and care for those who like my dog, Maddy, have been left to fend for themselves out there on their own.
So, bath tub or not, holiday not withstanding, I will keep going, barring frustrations and all, because with lots of prayer; faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; and a trust that He has gone before me; I know that this vision of His will come to pass. Although I am thinking that a night or two in a hotel in Miraflores might not be such a bad idea come end of January....
Monday, January 10, 2011
Juggling My Life
It's nice when all I have to do in a day is go to the market and pick up a whole bunch of veggies, fruit and dog food. I look around and I see tonnes to do obviously but nothing pressing and nothing that cannot be done later and it's nice to just be able to sit down, have lunch that I actually have time to cook and just be.
Things on one side are proceeding well with the ministry but in other areas, things are proceeding, just not as quickly as I would like. Yes, that brings me back to the waiting, the being still and knowing that God is God and He has taken me so far, so He will continue to do so, just in His time, not mine. Sometimes, for a person like me who is a product of North American culture where things are expected to happen quickly and in the deadlines allotted them, it is hard to just chill, sit back and wait. But do I must, and so I keep pressing on while waiting. Only I know who it is who sustains me and without Him, I would have been a basket case long before now.
One thing that I realize that I cannot do is schedule something for everyday because the trip out to Metropolitan Lima is taking its toll on me, physically and also economically. Depending on where I need to go, it could take 3 hours one way and make it a round trip and that is a 6 hour long bus journey. Do that everyday, and it wears me down. People, however, don't realize that. And expectations for me to be present at certain things are also taking its toll on me. And when it gets too tough, this apparently tough warrior princess then goes bawling onto her Father's shoulder.
I am learning how to be in the present and how to be a good mommy to my dogs. In that aspect, I am wondering if I created monsters by treating them with too much affection. I swear I have kids. These last few days with me being out all the time, Mayah has had hysterics, temper tantrums, left deposits of her waste where she knows she isn't supposed to do so and just plain out behaved like a complete brat. And when I exert authority over her, she reluctantly obeys but takes it out on Maddy. I realize that Mayah acts like she does because she wants my attention, wants me there, wants to spend time with me and if she can get my attention the bad way, then so be it. Maddy, on the other hand, thank God, is serene and even tempered. It got me thinking about human children. If a dog can and will do all these things to get the attention of its master, because it needs the attention and affection, how much more do children need that from their parents? I think God is teaching me that when I have children, I had better be present for them and not run around and leave them at home all the time or to bring them with me wherever I need to go.
With all that I am learning and going through these days, is there any wonder why I am completely going neurotic? Right now, I could use a total all inclusive resort holiday in the Barbados. However, somehow, I don't foresee that in my immediate future at all....although I see sand and more sand, just the sand in this part of town where I live and more to clean up constantly around me......sigggggghhhhhhhhhh. Reality bites.
Things on one side are proceeding well with the ministry but in other areas, things are proceeding, just not as quickly as I would like. Yes, that brings me back to the waiting, the being still and knowing that God is God and He has taken me so far, so He will continue to do so, just in His time, not mine. Sometimes, for a person like me who is a product of North American culture where things are expected to happen quickly and in the deadlines allotted them, it is hard to just chill, sit back and wait. But do I must, and so I keep pressing on while waiting. Only I know who it is who sustains me and without Him, I would have been a basket case long before now.
One thing that I realize that I cannot do is schedule something for everyday because the trip out to Metropolitan Lima is taking its toll on me, physically and also economically. Depending on where I need to go, it could take 3 hours one way and make it a round trip and that is a 6 hour long bus journey. Do that everyday, and it wears me down. People, however, don't realize that. And expectations for me to be present at certain things are also taking its toll on me. And when it gets too tough, this apparently tough warrior princess then goes bawling onto her Father's shoulder.
I am learning how to be in the present and how to be a good mommy to my dogs. In that aspect, I am wondering if I created monsters by treating them with too much affection. I swear I have kids. These last few days with me being out all the time, Mayah has had hysterics, temper tantrums, left deposits of her waste where she knows she isn't supposed to do so and just plain out behaved like a complete brat. And when I exert authority over her, she reluctantly obeys but takes it out on Maddy. I realize that Mayah acts like she does because she wants my attention, wants me there, wants to spend time with me and if she can get my attention the bad way, then so be it. Maddy, on the other hand, thank God, is serene and even tempered. It got me thinking about human children. If a dog can and will do all these things to get the attention of its master, because it needs the attention and affection, how much more do children need that from their parents? I think God is teaching me that when I have children, I had better be present for them and not run around and leave them at home all the time or to bring them with me wherever I need to go.
With all that I am learning and going through these days, is there any wonder why I am completely going neurotic? Right now, I could use a total all inclusive resort holiday in the Barbados. However, somehow, I don't foresee that in my immediate future at all....although I see sand and more sand, just the sand in this part of town where I live and more to clean up constantly around me......sigggggghhhhhhhhhh. Reality bites.
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