It's nice when all I have to do in a day is go to the market and pick up a whole bunch of veggies, fruit and dog food. I look around and I see tonnes to do obviously but nothing pressing and nothing that cannot be done later and it's nice to just be able to sit down, have lunch that I actually have time to cook and just be.
Things on one side are proceeding well with the ministry but in other areas, things are proceeding, just not as quickly as I would like. Yes, that brings me back to the waiting, the being still and knowing that God is God and He has taken me so far, so He will continue to do so, just in His time, not mine. Sometimes, for a person like me who is a product of North American culture where things are expected to happen quickly and in the deadlines allotted them, it is hard to just chill, sit back and wait. But do I must, and so I keep pressing on while waiting. Only I know who it is who sustains me and without Him, I would have been a basket case long before now.
One thing that I realize that I cannot do is schedule something for everyday because the trip out to Metropolitan Lima is taking its toll on me, physically and also economically. Depending on where I need to go, it could take 3 hours one way and make it a round trip and that is a 6 hour long bus journey. Do that everyday, and it wears me down. People, however, don't realize that. And expectations for me to be present at certain things are also taking its toll on me. And when it gets too tough, this apparently tough warrior princess then goes bawling onto her Father's shoulder.
I am learning how to be in the present and how to be a good mommy to my dogs. In that aspect, I am wondering if I created monsters by treating them with too much affection. I swear I have kids. These last few days with me being out all the time, Mayah has had hysterics, temper tantrums, left deposits of her waste where she knows she isn't supposed to do so and just plain out behaved like a complete brat. And when I exert authority over her, she reluctantly obeys but takes it out on Maddy. I realize that Mayah acts like she does because she wants my attention, wants me there, wants to spend time with me and if she can get my attention the bad way, then so be it. Maddy, on the other hand, thank God, is serene and even tempered. It got me thinking about human children. If a dog can and will do all these things to get the attention of its master, because it needs the attention and affection, how much more do children need that from their parents? I think God is teaching me that when I have children, I had better be present for them and not run around and leave them at home all the time or to bring them with me wherever I need to go.
With all that I am learning and going through these days, is there any wonder why I am completely going neurotic? Right now, I could use a total all inclusive resort holiday in the Barbados. However, somehow, I don't foresee that in my immediate future at all....although I see sand and more sand, just the sand in this part of town where I live and more to clean up constantly around me......sigggggghhhhhhhhhh. Reality bites.
No comments:
Post a Comment